The Ruggierian Chaos-Amusement Theory
I take the skytrain on my way home from UBC. Today, as I was arriving on the skytrain platform, the skytrain doors started to close. I had no intentions of waiting another two minutes for the next one, so I ran at the train and jammed my foot in between the doors. The doors wouldn't let go of my feet for what seemed like a very long time (more like 5 seconds actually); I actually thought that the train was gonna drag me all the way to Surrey in more than one piece. At one point I was talking to the door telling it, "Oh no, you don't!" Anyway, the door opened and I got a few laughs out of it (from me and from other people)...
I suddenly became reminiscent of all the funny compulsive things that I've done which brought about mild catastrophe, and also the incessant laughter which dominated my five years in highschool...and my whole life actually... [dreamy flashback music...]
Just off the top of my head...I don't remember when it was exactly, but sometime in grade 11, I bragged to Charlie that my knees could touch my forehead...well the first four tries, no... but the fifth time I was able to touch my forehead with my right knee. But at the same time, I concussed myself and knocked my ass on the floor. It was frickin hilarious. My forehead was slightly purplish for a whole day.
And when I was on my exchange trip to Quebec, we went to the waterpark in Valcartier. After trying all the waterslides, my friends and I decided to take a stab at the hugest, tallest water slide in the park. I swear, this slide was, like, at a 90-degree angle. Keep in mind that this is the biggest waterpark in Canada (Super Splash Parc Aquatique). Anyway, we get up to the top of the slide, and there were lightning bolts in the horizon. Lightning! Yo, English Lit majors, foreshadowing much? Honestly. My knees were shaking. My turn to slide came. Of course, the friends that I met in Quebec didn't know how scared of heights I was, and I had no intention of telling them that I was. I had to get onto this slip-and-slide mat and I had to push myself down the slide. Just when I was at the very edge, I get stuck. There I was staring down at the vastness of the Earth, and thinking about the many wonderful ways that I could fall and die. I eventually had to hump the mat until it started to slip down the edge...and it finally did and I felt my stomach all the way to my toes as I plunged face first. That was the best fall from grace (and dignity) ever.
...and then I go further back... when I was in Casa (Italian metonymy for 'Kindergarten' in my Montessori school in the Philippines), I was quite a show off (still am). One Sunday at church, I climbed a low scaffold and long story short, I fell. I hit my head but I don't think it hurt. I was fine and smiling, until somebody told me that my forehead was bleeding. At first, I argued the non-existence of blood on my head. What nonsense. And then I actually touched my head and I felt blood and bone. Then came the crying. I remember my dad looking out of the curtains inside the church and seeing me and running out. I remember going into a taxi, and seeing the driver's face (he was freaked). I remember the emergency room, I remember a bright lamp, and I remember how clumsy some of the doctors were. One of them actually just stuck the anaesthetizing needle through my pants. I screamed, "May sugat ako diyan!!!" I got a couple of stitches. I was a poster boy for misbehaviour at school. I still have the scar as an amusing reminder, although you can barely see it because it's hidden by several layers of sunburn.
And then there were my days vacationing in Batangas, in the mountains and the jungle with my cousins, away from my parents...
Wow, was I a dumbass! There was that one time that I cut down almost all of my uncle's banana trees prematurely with my cousin Niko. I was reamed out, to say the least. Then there was that one time when I pretended to drown so that a life-guard would come rescue me. Well a life-guard did and I laughed at his face and I wasn't allowed in the deep-end anymore (not that it stopped me). And I swear, a year later, the life-guard still remembered me. Then there was one time when I climbed a tree with several of my cousins, and the tree ended up collapsing under our collective weight. That was fun. Sigh, good times.
Back to highschool...I've bumped into countless poles and posts. I've ran into tables, smashed onto people, and jumped off chairs and landed on my chest. There was one time when I was presenting an English project on the German movie "Run, Lola, Run" with friends. Our presentation was about Karma. In our presentation, I was supposed to pass a ball at Alyssa but I threw it too hard...I hit her on the head, I think. That was not good. And then later, when I was pulling down the projector screen I smashed my head with the heavy metallic edge of the screen. I was on the ground. hahaha. But we proved the whole karma point, though unintentionally. I hit Alyssa, so the screen hit me.
My life is fun. So my theory is... Chaos+Me=Amusement. I call it the Ruggierian Chaos-Amusement Theory. Ruggierian comes from the second part of my first name, Gino Ruggiero.
I suddenly became reminiscent of all the funny compulsive things that I've done which brought about mild catastrophe, and also the incessant laughter which dominated my five years in highschool...and my whole life actually... [dreamy flashback music...]
Just off the top of my head...I don't remember when it was exactly, but sometime in grade 11, I bragged to Charlie that my knees could touch my forehead...well the first four tries, no... but the fifth time I was able to touch my forehead with my right knee. But at the same time, I concussed myself and knocked my ass on the floor. It was frickin hilarious. My forehead was slightly purplish for a whole day.
And when I was on my exchange trip to Quebec, we went to the waterpark in Valcartier. After trying all the waterslides, my friends and I decided to take a stab at the hugest, tallest water slide in the park. I swear, this slide was, like, at a 90-degree angle. Keep in mind that this is the biggest waterpark in Canada (Super Splash Parc Aquatique). Anyway, we get up to the top of the slide, and there were lightning bolts in the horizon. Lightning! Yo, English Lit majors, foreshadowing much? Honestly. My knees were shaking. My turn to slide came. Of course, the friends that I met in Quebec didn't know how scared of heights I was, and I had no intention of telling them that I was. I had to get onto this slip-and-slide mat and I had to push myself down the slide. Just when I was at the very edge, I get stuck. There I was staring down at the vastness of the Earth, and thinking about the many wonderful ways that I could fall and die. I eventually had to hump the mat until it started to slip down the edge...and it finally did and I felt my stomach all the way to my toes as I plunged face first. That was the best fall from grace (and dignity) ever.
...and then I go further back... when I was in Casa (Italian metonymy for 'Kindergarten' in my Montessori school in the Philippines), I was quite a show off (still am). One Sunday at church, I climbed a low scaffold and long story short, I fell. I hit my head but I don't think it hurt. I was fine and smiling, until somebody told me that my forehead was bleeding. At first, I argued the non-existence of blood on my head. What nonsense. And then I actually touched my head and I felt blood and bone. Then came the crying. I remember my dad looking out of the curtains inside the church and seeing me and running out. I remember going into a taxi, and seeing the driver's face (he was freaked). I remember the emergency room, I remember a bright lamp, and I remember how clumsy some of the doctors were. One of them actually just stuck the anaesthetizing needle through my pants. I screamed, "May sugat ako diyan!!!" I got a couple of stitches. I was a poster boy for misbehaviour at school. I still have the scar as an amusing reminder, although you can barely see it because it's hidden by several layers of sunburn.
And then there were my days vacationing in Batangas, in the mountains and the jungle with my cousins, away from my parents...
Wow, was I a dumbass! There was that one time that I cut down almost all of my uncle's banana trees prematurely with my cousin Niko. I was reamed out, to say the least. Then there was that one time when I pretended to drown so that a life-guard would come rescue me. Well a life-guard did and I laughed at his face and I wasn't allowed in the deep-end anymore (not that it stopped me). And I swear, a year later, the life-guard still remembered me. Then there was one time when I climbed a tree with several of my cousins, and the tree ended up collapsing under our collective weight. That was fun. Sigh, good times.
Back to highschool...I've bumped into countless poles and posts. I've ran into tables, smashed onto people, and jumped off chairs and landed on my chest. There was one time when I was presenting an English project on the German movie "Run, Lola, Run" with friends. Our presentation was about Karma. In our presentation, I was supposed to pass a ball at Alyssa but I threw it too hard...I hit her on the head, I think. That was not good. And then later, when I was pulling down the projector screen I smashed my head with the heavy metallic edge of the screen. I was on the ground. hahaha. But we proved the whole karma point, though unintentionally. I hit Alyssa, so the screen hit me.
My life is fun. So my theory is... Chaos+Me=Amusement. I call it the Ruggierian Chaos-Amusement Theory. Ruggierian comes from the second part of my first name, Gino Ruggiero.
posted by Gino at
9:53 p.m.
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